More to me
by Breehp
Summary: What if there was more to the quiet boy who sat in the back of the choir room? More to the dancer who had 3 lines? Matt Rutherford is a messed up kid, both abused and depressed. Can he be saved, or is it already too late? Warning: Self harm, talk of suicide. No Slash.
1. Darkness of his Day

1am. Matt laid on the old springy pull out bed in the living room of his father's house. 2am. Matt drifted off to sleep. 3am. Matt woke up sweating from the nightmares. 4am. Matt's father dragged him off the couch, demanding breakfast. 5am. Matt washed his face in the bathroom after burning the breakfast, and applying anything he could find to cover up the bruises. 6am. Matt got out of the house as quickly as possible while his father wasn't looking. 7am. Matt arrived at glee club, silent as always, no one realising he was there. 8am. Matt went to Spanish. 9am. English. 10am. Recess. 11am. Music. 12pm. Lunch. 1pm. Maths. 2pm. Gym. 3pm. Library. And finally as 5pm when he was forced to leave the school, relieving all of the pain Matt experienced in a single day. Whether it be with a lighter, blade, razor. Like he cared.

This was the reality of the loner who sat in the back seat of the choir room. Matt was abused. It wasn't always like this. Matt used to be like every other kid when his mom was still alive. Would run around like an aeroplane with his friends. Played little league baseball twice a week. Went to basketball camps. Had campouts and sleepovers with his cousins. But that all changed when Matt had just turned 12, and his mother died in a car accident while driving him to a baseball game as a reward for his perfect report card. "You deserve it!" she said. Matt remembered her lifeless face, every day for 3 years. After his mom died Matt was forced to live with his alcoholic father, forced to leave Washington where all of his happy childhood memories were created, and come to Ohio to live with his father.

"You deserve it. You deserve it.". Matt's mother's voice echoed through his mind while he pushed the blade deeper. _Deeper_ into his skin. A tear slid down his face as he made an extra line. _"Worthless loser freak!"_. That was his father's voice. Finally at 6pm Matt faced the reality, and knew he had to head home. 7pm. Matt made dinner for his father. 8pm. His father arrived home after a bad day at work, and shoved Matt against the wall for the dinner being too cold. It was always something. 9pm. Matt woke up after being knocked out, and cleaned up the broken plates and glasses. 10pm. Matt laid on the pull out bed again, playing with the lighter. On again. Off again. Light on. Light off. 11pm. Matt went into the bathroom and placed his burnt hand under the tap, making it sting, but knowing he deserved every bit of pain he inflicted on himself. 12am. Matt laid on the bed again, pure lifelessness reflected in his eyes. Staring at the ceiling, the memory of the crash replaying over and over again. But this time no tears came. Only darkness. Until he woke up again at 1am, where the pain started all over again.


	2. Circles

It was Thursday afternoon, glee rehearsal. The whole glee club sat in the choir room, waiting for Mr Schue to announce the assignment for the week.

Mr Schue had just finished writing _'Expression_ ' on the whiteboard where he clapped his hands together once and turned towards the glee club.

"Expression" Mr Schue repeated "Does anyone want to tell me what artistic _expression_ means?"

"Flaming guitars?" Finn suggested

"A painting?" Brittany said

"Close guys. Artistic expression is putting _yourself_ into the music. Something that vocal adrenaline can't quite master. You see with artistic expression, you can practice and practice for hours but not get it. You need to capture the feelings in your heart and put them into the music. That's what's going to get us through regionals. Showing the judges what we really _feel_ the music"

"Ughh" scoffed Santana, "Could this be any gayer? Like seriously, you're going to make us sing all these songs we don't even know from _Broadway_ or whatever (Rachel looks utterly offended) and pretend that we actually _feel_ something?"

Matt actually had to agree with this, he was more hip-hop and didn't really get a lot of the songs they did in the glee club.

"Ahhh, but that's where you are wrong Santana" replied Mr Shue "The thing is with this assignment, I can't give you the music. You're going to have to do it yourselves. The expression comes from _you,_ not me. So you can choose to work alone, groups whatever. You can pick your own music. All I want is to see some _soul._ "

"I got this Mr Shue! I can do soul in my sleep!" Mercedes said, clicking her fingers.

"Okay, okay, we have plenty of time to share our performances at the end and through the week. But for now, I think we need to work on our choreography for regionals. Mike, Britt, Matt, come up the front and show us what you've been working on"

Matt hopped up and went up the front to consolidate with Brittany and Mike.

"Okay, so we got Britt's little part first, then mine and yours (Mike looks at Matt), then all together, step ball change, flip and done?" Asked Mike

"Got it" Replied Matt

"1…2….1 2 3 and!" Brittany cried, and they all began their routine. Matt was going fine all through the number, until the 2 minute mark where he needed to do a head spin. His head still ached terribly from the night before where his father shoved him so as he was about to spin he fell to the floor, clutching his head. The music stopped and Mike and Mr Shue ran over.

"You okay buddy? Matt?" Mr Shue asked?

"Yeah I'm good. Just need to work on that one Mr Shue. Haven't practiced it enough" Matt quickly replied

My Shue looked suspicious and concerned, but didn't press the issue.

"Tough break man, want to practice after school?" asked Mike

"Sounds great, see you then" agreed Matt.

At lunch Matt decided to go into the restroom. It'd been an exhausting morning. Ever since glee practice 2 hours earlier his head was killing him, but he'd managed to continue on. He had just screwed up his English speech as well. He didn't know how, one minute he was fine and the next he literally forgot the rest of the speech. His teacher looked bored and just crossed out his name, didn't care at all. He thought about what his mom would say. Probably something like "Matt, you're such a bright kid, why do you do this to yourself?".

In anger, he kicked the door open and locked himself into the disabled cubicle where he paced around for a while. Then, he took out his blade. So cold against his skin, yet so safe. So desirable. He pushed it into his dark skin until blood rushed out. 1 line. 2. 3. 4. Suddenly he started to feel dizzy, and knew that it wasn't good. He quickly opened his backpack and found his jacket, which he put on one sleeve. It was tight, as he hadn't received any new clothes since his mom died. But right now that tightness was a good thing, as it managed to stop the bleeding. He just sat there, in the cubicle, until the world was straight again where he left to go the canteen. He knew that Mr Schue was the canteen supervisor that day, and if he didn't show up then he'd ask questions, which was the last thing Matt wanted right now.

Little did Matt know that in the cafeteria, Mr Schue was watching him. He saw the pain in his eyes and the light blood stain on his jacket sleeve. He saw a bruise on the left side of his head. He knew that something was wrong, but what he didn't know was how to help.


	3. Escape

After a long and exhausting day at school, Matt just left. He didn't go to dance practice. He didn't go to the library. He just walked out the front doors. It was unusual for Matt to miss a dance practice. He didn't say much, but he was always somewhere in the background. But what was even more unusual was for Matt to go home earlier than 6pm (where anytime afterwards would result in consequences from his father), as usually he hid out for as long as possible, just in case his father decided to leave work early. His dad was at work until 5, so Matt had a couple of hours to himself most days, but sometimes his father would leave early, surprising Matt and sending fear down his very veins.

Matt entered his house after a 20 minute walk home, and decided to find something to eat. All that was left were a couple of cans of soup in the back of the cupboard (behind the cheap spirits), but he didn't care. He was lucky to have any food left for him at all. In those few peaceful hours Matt did his homework and ate his soup. Suddenly, he heard a knock and shout at the door, and realised it was 5pm. _Shit!_ Matt thought. He was meant to wash the bowl, and make his father dinner. _The soup._ Matt panicked. He knew that his father would be pissed, no, that was an understatement. He would be equivalent to a nuclear bomb. His father suddenly banged through the door. "What the fuck took you so long?! You answer when I know, understand me?!". Matt remained silent. "Answer me you bloody freak!". Matt, again, said nothing. His father slapped him across the head once, but didn't press the issue. Matt sighed in relief. For about 5 seconds. Until his father realised that dinner, had not been made.

"Where the fuck is my soup mate?!". Matt said nothing. His father took a step closer. Matt leaned back slightly against the wall. "You know I expect my dinner to be made when I come home you selfish little faggot". His eyes glanced over to the dirty bowl with a slight reminisce of the soup left. It didn't take less than a few seconds to put two and two together. His father stepped closer again, and again. Until his threatening eyes were literally 2 cm from Matt's own. _Alcohol_. Matt could smell it in his breath, and instantly knew that he was done for. One punch thrown to his eye. Another to his stomach. A third somewhere, but he didn't know where anymore. He was on the ground. All he knew was his body was weak, and after one kick to the head, it was over.

Matt woke up, head pounding. It was pitch dark, and for a moment he forgot why he was in the kitchen. Then he remembered. He sat up slowly, head still pounding, and managed to stand. He glanced at the clock. _3:42am._ _That's it_ Matt thought. _I have exactly 17 minutes to get out of here_. It was more than enough time. He retrieved his duffle bag under the couch, filled with a few possessions he kept hidden from his father. An extra blanket. A red bomber jacket. A box of cereal. A torch. And most importantly, a photo of his Mom. He blinked back tears. _Strong, be strong_ he told himself. He was alone now. He had to be. He quickly gathered a bowl and poured some of the cereal in it, so his father wouldn't catch up too quickly. Then, he put the box into his bag, gathered his homework and slid out the door.

The air was cold on his face, but he felt better than he did in years. He was out. He was free. And that all that mattered. He wondered, _where would he go_? He couldn't go to anyone's house, as they'd ask questions. Or worse, make him go _back_. Nowhere was open, even homeless shelters were closed at this time. Like he'd go there anyway – too easy for his father to find him. He kept walking, until he landed in front of McKinley. He knew they didn't have alarms, as Figgins took all the power in the night to charge his own fancy office appliances. And he could get in through the choir room window. So he did.


	4. A Place to Stay

The school was silent and cold - yet Matt felt more at home than he did in months. He was in the choir room, the only place he'd ever felt safe since he moved in with his father. He walked around for a while, through the staff room, the auditorium, the halls, the classrooms. It was beautiful for him, having the freedom to walk through the dark. Usually Matt was scared of the dark (although he never told anyone). He was scared of the knives that his father used when he was younger. It was dark then too. Matt walked around and found a large cupboard in the choir room where he could sleep, in case someone came in. He could curl up in there comfortably, and within minutes of laying down he fell asleep.

The next morning, Matt woke up early. He was sore, and for a moment forgot where the hell he was. Then he remembered, he was at McKinley. He escaped his father's abusive clutches and was now free to roam. He exited the cupboard and left his bag inside. He could get it later. Right now, he had another problem. What was he going to eat? He had no money, and going home to sneak some food was _not_ an option. Then it hit him. He could live at the school! He could sleep in the choir room cupboard, or the auditorium. He could get food from the staffroom fridge or the cafeteria. And he'd have a place where he could be safe. It was the perfect plan, he just hoped it'd work.

After a breakfast of an old apple and sandwich he found in the staff fridge he pulled out his knife. He cut a couple more lines in his arms before he stood up. It was funny how, he had bruises all over him, maybe even a few broken bones or head injuries. Yet, he still brought the knife to him everyday. It was almost out of mere habit now. It was now 7:00am, so Matt had about 20 minutes before he would have to hide in the cupboard again, until 7:40 where there'd be enough kids at the school for there not to be any suspicion. He practiced his dance routine for a bit. He was getting pretty good at it now. Just being able to dance alone again felt _good_. He hadn't done that for a while, but he needed it. Suddenly he heard the unlocking of a door, so he quickly ran into the cupboard and sat in there for 20 minutes, until it was safe to come out. Then, he practiced again until the bell rang. For the first time in a while, Matt felt something in his heart that didn't make him die inside. He felt, just a little bit, _happy_.


	5. Expression

It had been 3 days since Matt had moved into the school, and he felt better than he had in years. It was glee club rehearsal, and it was time for him to present to the club, along with Mike and Brittany, the dance routine they'd been practicing. But first, it was time for them to present their expression assignments. Matt had tried extremely hard to find a song that wouldn't raise suspicion, but it was hard, because if he wasn't expressive enough Mr Shue would make him do it again. He'd finally found a decent song. I mean, it wasn't Matt's usual style, but the lyrics had some form of applicability to both the assignment and Matt's emotions, so it would work.

"Okay everyone, we have a _lot_ to get through today, but I'm very excited to hear what the rest of you have put together. We'll first hear what Mike, Mercedes and Matt put together for their expression assignments, and then we'll take a look at the dance routine. Take it away Mike!" Announced Mr Shue

Mike took the stage with an epic dance he put together for weeks. He wasn't a great singer yet, but he _was_ able to express himself through his dance. Through many flips, turns, spins and jumps, Mike was able to communicate _exactly_ how he felt. Matt wished he could do that - he'd probably just end up falling over. He was useless. Worthless. No wonder no one wanted him. These thoughts were disrupted however, when the room broke into a round of applause.

"Bravo Mike! See guys, _that_ is what I'm talking about! Good job buddy!" Mr Shue enthused, giving Mike a pat on the shoulder.

"Mr Shue, I'll admit, Mike's dancing is quite good, but we can't just get up and dance to win. I propose that I take the solo for sectionals, to really express wh..."

Mr Shue cut Rachel off. "Rachel, we have plenty of time to decide on who gets the sectionals solo. It wouldn't be fair to give it to you without hearing Matt and Mercedes, along with all of the others who've already performed who are interested in giving it a go".

"Okay, next up, Mercedes!". Mercedes sang _Natural Woman_ by Aretha Franklin. And after much praise by Mr Shue and the rest of the club (aside from Rachel and Santana), it was Matt's turn. Honestly, he was terrified. What if it was the wrong song? God it was the wrong song. What was he thinking? Soon they'd all know, they'd know something was wrong, and Matt would have to go home. Home to his father. Probably to never return back. But it was too late now, it was time to face the music (literally), and express what he'd been bottling up for what felt like far too long. So he got up the front, and sang.

I'm the next act

Waiting in the wings

I'm an animal

Trapped in your hot car

I am all the days

That you choose to ignore

You are all I need

You are all I need

I'm in the middle of your picture

Lying in the reeds

I'm a moth

Who just wants to share your light

I'm just an insect

Trying to get out of the night

I only stick with you

Because there are no others

You are all I need

You're all I need

I'm in the middle your picture

Lying in the reeds

It's all wrong

It's all right

It's all wrong*

The whole room was silent. No one clapped for about 10 seconds, they just stared at him like a tiger in a zoo. Mr Shue looked concerned ( _good one Matt_ ), but then smiled at him along with the rest of the club and they all clapped. Matt sat down before he could ask questions, and luckily for him, no one did.

Then, it was time for the dance routine. Mike, Brittany and Matt all got up the front and danced. Mike did some amazing flips, while Brittany followed with leaps that no one else could master. It was time for Matt's headspin. He spun well, but the pain that shot through his skull was excruciating! He couldn't believe he was actually doing it and didn't black out from the pain, but he managed. He got up and managed to smile, and they were done. Everyone applauded loudly and called out praise. Mr Shue wouldn't stop looking at Matt through. The blood stains, the pain he could see in his face from the head spin, the song. He _knew_ something was up, and he needed to do something. He just didn't know what.

*The song Matt sings is "All I need" by Radiohead.


	6. I Care About You

After reheasal, Mr Shue called Matt aside.

"Matt, I want to talk to you about a couple of things. Firstly, you haven't been yourself lately. I know you're a bit shy on normal days, but recently you've been withdrawn. I saw you didn't show up to the rehearsal with Mike the other day, and that surprised me a lot. Secondly, I've seen blood stains on your clothes, more than once now. And a few bruises. I need to ask you – and please tell me the truth - are you okay?" Mr Shue asked softly

Matt paused. It had been a really long time since he'd been asked that question. Come to think of it, the last time he remembered someone caring about him like this was when his mum was still alive. He was about 7, and he was playing in the last basketball game of the season. He was just about to steal the ball from under the legs of the opposition, when someone thought it would be funny to trip him over. He wasn't hurt, but he remembered him mother's worried voice running onto the court, asking him the same question, "Are you okay?".

Matt suddenly came back to the present – "Yeah Mr Shue, I'm fine"

Mr Shue didn't look convinced. "Matt, what's going on? Please tell me, please, I can help you"

"I'm fine really – I've just been really stressed with assignments and stuff recently. I messed up my English speech and now have to bring back up my grade. That's all"

Mr Shue looked doubtful, but he didn't tell Matt. "Okay buddy – well, my office door is always open if you want to talk. Or, you could see Ms Pilsberry. I'll speak to your teacher and see if there's anything you can do for extra credit"

Matt smiled. "Thanks Mr Shue – I really appreciate it"

Matt began to walk out, when Mr Shue asked him something else. "Matt. I'm really curious about your song selection today. Why did you pick that song?"

Matt blanked – he couldn't think of anything. He begun reciting the lyrics in his head for a moment until something popped into his mind. "Well, there is someone I really care about. A girl. I don't think she feels the same way though…."

Mr Shue looked thoughtful and then smiled, "Ah yes that brings me back to my old days…" He said, patting Matt shoulder. "Well, she'd be a fool to pass you up, I'll tell you that much."

Matt sighed in relief. He bought it. He actually bought it! Matt left suddenly and went to the library to do his English homework. There was a bit of truth in the things he said to Me Shue. 1. He really did need to bring up his English grade and 2. There was someone he liked. Mercedes. She was beautiful, soulful, her voice hung in the air like the sound of soft rain, and she was accepting of people. Even worthless freaks like Matt. He couldn't focus now – dammit why did he have to think about Mercedes Jones?!

He decided to go for a walk for a while, to clear his head, when of course as soon he exited the library he ran smack bang into her. Mercedes. And lucky for him, caused her to drop all of her books. He quickly sprang into action, crouching to pick up the books and apologised quickly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm…."

Mercedes smiled. "Matt it's okay. Really. They're fine"

"Okay – I'll buy new ones if you want. Or clean them. Or…." ("Dammit Matt Shut Up" he told himself).

But luckily Mercedes just smiled again. "It's fine, you're fine. Oh by the way, great dance today. You 3 have got it going on. Just need Mercedes' soul and we have dis sectionals in the bag!"

Matt laughed, "Yeah, I really hope you get the solo. Rachel's great and all, but you're better"

Mercedes raised her eyebrows "you really think that of me Matt?"

"Yeah I do. I really do. Your voice is amazing. Rachel's only good because of her years of classical training. And you're better with your own natural talent"

"Wow, thanks Matt. That means a lot"

They said goodbye to each other, and Mercedes began to walk down the hall. Matt just stood and watched her, until his mind rearranged and he called out to her just as she began to exit. "Mercedes! Wait up!"

She waited and looked at him. "I was just wondering, would you like to come to breadstix with me on Thurday, after glee? I really like talking to you, and I have some ideas for solo audition songs and stuff?"

She paused for a moment, but then smiled. "Sure thing, I'll see you later"

Matt watched her perfect black hair, her beautiful figure, walk out the door and then fist pumped the air. Finally, some luck!

Matt went back to the choir room, where he practiced his dancing and even sung a bit as well. Suddenly the lights went out and he heard the closing of a door. This meant it was safe to go food hunting, so he went into the staffroom again and tried to find something. Nothing. So he went into the cafeteria, and found a hotdog roll. He was in the middle of eating it when suddenly the lights came back on. This wasn't good. He sprinted out the cafeteria and back into the choir room, where he hid in the cupboard. Memories of hiding came back into his mind, hiding in the cupboard when his father found dirty dishes in the sink. Being pulled out and slapped and punched. Matt was brought back to life when he heard the choir room door open. This was it. He was done for. His father had found him. He made another slice with the knife quickly to cope with the pressure of the whole situation.

But it wasn't his father. His father never whistled. His father didn't wear formal shoes that clicked when you walked in them (work boots were his father's shoes).

"Hmmm it's gotta be here somewhere" Said Mr Shue to himself, walking around the choir room, trying to find the bag he forgot earlier. Matt was relieved, but then panicked when he remembered that he wasn't meant to be in here. He heard Mr Shue walking around the room, lifting up papers and opening cupboards looking for his bag. He heard footsteps coming towards him, when he heard them stop just before the cupboard where he was sitting. Mr Shue gripped the door handle, twisted, opened slowly, and Matt curled up as small as he could, before everything went black.


	7. Found

_"Matt"_ Mr Shue croaked. He knew something was up, but not for a second did he expect for a student of his to be passed out in the cupboard of the school choir room, at 6:30pm, bleeding and scared. He may have been passed out, but the look of fear was still evident on his face. Mr Shue knelt down to Matt's level, and pulled him gently out of the cupboard, lying him down on his back on the floor. He briefly saw Matt's bag and blanket, and realised that this was not a game Matt was playing.

Matt began to wake up moments later, and saw Mr Shue staring down at him. "Buddy? Matt? Are you alright?"

Matt sat up, only to be pushed back down gently by Mr Shue.

"Don't sit up, not yet. You need to let body adjust for a second."

"I'm fine, really Mr Shue, I'm just…."

"Matt, don't tell me you're fine. I've just found you blacked out in a school cupboard, curled up and scared, at 6:30 at night not to mention holding a knife and bleeding? What is going _on?_ "

There was no point in denying it any longer, but when Matt went to speak, he just couldn't.

"If I'm not mistaken, I think you've been sleeping here. For a little while now. And I think you're hurt. Both emotionally and physically"

Matt began to sit up and Mr Shue didn't stop him. The dizziness had faded. "Mr Shue, why do you care about me?"

Mr Shue was a bit taken aback by this, but looked at Matt with concern. "Matt, I care about all you glee kids. It's my role as a teacher, and a mentor. I love you like my own kids. I don't want to see you hurt. I want to take care of you. That's why I'm here"

Matt looked down, and then tears dripped from his eyes. He hadn't cried in front of anyone for a really long time, and he was ashamed to be doing it now. But he couldn't help it. Mr Shue's words just hit him right in the heart.

Mr Shue drew Matt in a hug, letting him cry on his shoulder. They were like this for a while, Mr Shue kneeling while Matt sat weakly leaning against him. After a while, Matt drew away and looked at him in fear, eyes all large and hand covering his face. Matt got up, and ran out the door.

Mr Shue was a bit taken aback by this, but he ran after Matt. He didn't have to run very far, as Matt had tripped over just outside the nurse's office. Mr Shue helped him up, and then led him over to the bed where they both sat beside each other. "Matt, I won't hurt you, I promise. Trust me, please…"

Matt looked at him. He wasn't lying, he could see it in his eyes. He knew when someone was lying. Years of abuse lead to development of high emotional intelligence, and that's what kept him alive all those years.

"Matt, you can tell me what's wrong. I can help you, whatever this is…"

"I'm just so sick of this! I'm sick of everything! I want to die! There is nothing left for me here, no one freaking cares, maybe you pretend to and all that, but in reality no one does! Who could love a freak like me?!"

Mr Shue just listened. Just watched. Didn't react, just stared into the eyes of the quiet boy who sat in the back of the choir room, never said a word, the boy who kept everything hidden, showed up to every rehearsal never asking for a solo or complaining about the key. The boy who smiled to cover up his pain, laughed to mask his fear, cried only when he was alone in the dark. And here he was, showing his true self for the first time.

"When I was 12, I lost my mother in a car accident. It was my fault. We were driving to a baseball game that she said I deserved. I distracted her for a moment, and boom. She was gone. The car veered off the road, and her lifeless body just laid there next to me. I was made to come live with my dad, who is a real dick. I guess I just got sick of it after all these years. All the hitting, the black outs, slapping and kicking, even the yelling hurts. I guess ripping my skin apart or burning though it lets me release it all, you know? (Matt gives a fake laugh). I left the other night, sick of all his bullshit. Sick of the pain. And came here, right through the window. That's it I guess."

Mr Shue stared at him, wide-eyed. Not threatening wide-eyed, which Matt recognised well, but compassionate. "Matt… I'm so sorry….. I had no idea this was going on…"

Suddenly Mr Shue stood up, and Matt looked up. "I'm sorry Mr Shue. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I understand why you want to leave."

Mr Shue looked down at him in surprise. "That's where your wrong buddy. Yes, I was leaving. But you're coming with me. This was not a waste of my time, and there is no way I'm leaving you here. Let's go back to the choir room and get your stuff, then you're coming home with me."

Matt looked up. "Me….? Home? Mr Shue, you don't have to do this"

"Yes I do Matt. I do have to do this. You're coming home with me Matt." He said sternly, reaching for Matt's arm and helping him up. They went back to the choir room, got Matt's bag and 20 minutes later, pulled up at Mr Shue's apartment.

Mr Shue led him upstairs, and instructed for Matt to lay down on the couch. He took of Matt's shoes and jacket. Then, he grabbed his phone and sat on the chair next to the couch. "I'm afraid I have to make a couple of calls. The first, is to Ms Pilsberry, as she is the school guidance counsellor and needs to be informed for paperwork purposes. Then, I need to call the police. (Matt began to argue, but Mr Shue continued). I know that probably isn't what you want, but it's the best thing, trust me. If your father has been hurting you like this, he needs to be brought to justice. As soon as possible. You are in danger Matt, while he is getting away with this you are in _danger_. That is one of the main reasons I brought you home with me tonight."

Matt nodded. It wasn't as though he loved his father or anything, it just meant that his mom was really gone. He would have no family left. Where would he go? Mr Shue knew about his school-living plan, so that was a bust. He definitely didn't want the _foster kid_ title. But he probably had no choice now.

30 minutes later there was a knock on the door, and 2 officers along with Ms Pilsberry entered. "Mr…. Schuester?" asked one of the officers.

"That's me. Thanks for coming"

The officers sat down on the other couch. "This is him I assume?" asked the other officer

"Yeah, this is him. Matt Rutherford, one of my students. Severely abused by his father, both physically and mentally. I have reason to believe he's been neglected too. He has no other family."

The officers looked empathetic when they looked at Matt. "We are going to need to give him a check over. For injuries we can use in court."

"Are you okay with that buddy?" Asked Mr Shue. Matt nodded. It wasn't like he could say no. And he wanted to feel safe again, which would only happen if his father was put away. He sat up, and the officers asked him to remove his shirt while Will and Emma discussed the paperwork side of things. His skin was covered in blue and black bruises. There were a couple of scars from a knife incident when Matt was 14. That one should have been at trip to A&E, but Matt had to make do with what he had at home. A piece of cloth and some tap water. The officers looked at his head to, where they saw multiple bruises.

"Your head doesn't look very good. Has he knocked you out before?"

Matt nodded. "A few times, especially recently. I've been getting dizzy a lot. The worst one was a few nights ago. When I left"

The officers nodded. "We have enough to get him locked up for at least 10 years. Someone will be in touch with both you (they looked at Will) and Ms Emma Pillsbury about where to from here. Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do now. Now, for the next few nights anyway. You mentioned he doesn't have any family? (Will shook his head). Well, we can put him in a temp foster home, unless there's anyone else who can take him on"

"He can stay with me, if that's what you want Matt (looking at Matt)" Will replied.

Matt smiled weakly and nodded. There was no way he wanted to go to a foster home, and especially not now. Will smiled back, and both the officers and Ms Pillsbury left.

Matt began to put his jacket back on, when Mr Shue stopped him. "Hold on a sec Matt, I saw those bruises and they look pretty bad, along with the cuts and your head. I want to fix you up a bit, then we can both go to bed.

Will left for a moment, but then returned with some bandages, a glass of water, cream and some antiseptic. He cleaned out Matt's cuts, and rubbed some cream on his back (there weren't any bad bruises on Matt's chest). Then, he bandaged Matt's cut arms and gave him the water to drink. By the time everything was done it was 10:49pm. They were both exhausted. Especially Matt. You don't get a great sleep in a choir room cupboard.

Mr Shue showed him the spare bedroom, where Matt slept. And finally, by 11pm, they were both asleep.

 **Please review :) - I love getting reviews! This is my first chapter story, and I really like writing about Matt, as I believe he was a neglected character in the show. Also, if you have any ideas, feel free to tell me as I am running a bit short at the moment. Thanks everyone for the support :)**


	8. It's Okay

1am. Matt woke up, sweating like crazy. He just had a nightmare about his father, sneaking into Mr Shue's house, finding him and stabbing him with a knife. 1:15am. Matt stood up, trying to get himself together. He went through his bag, where he found his blade and lighter. 1:30am. Matt went into the bathroom and locked the door. He burnt the lower part of his left leg, and cut a square around it. 1:45am. Matt rinsed the wound under the tap, to make sure he didn't bleed over Mr Shue's bed. 2am. Matt snuck back into the guest room, and slept for a couple of hours. 4:15am. Matt woke up again, still half asleep and remembered that his father would be wanting breakfast. He was already too late, so he quickly got up and went into the kitchen. Cooking with whatever he could find, before remembering that this wasn't his house, not his kitchen. And his father wasn't here.

He was such an idiot! What was he thinking? Touching things that belonged to someone else! Mr Shue would probably hit him now, or kick him out. He quickly packed up everything, and started cleaning furiously, when the light came on and Mr Shue stood at the counter. " _Matt_ , what are you _doing_?" he whispered.

Matt was sweating, still scrubbing. Mr Shue walked over, and gently took the pan that Matt was scrubbing away from him. "It's okay Matt – it's okay. I won't hurt you. It's okay"

Matt stopped, and then slid down the wall to the floor. He was useless, _worthless, deserved to die_. Mr Shue crouched down beside him. "Matt, it's okay. I'll help you. I know he hurt you, but I promise I'll help you. Okay?"

Matt was in shock. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him – he just knew he couldn't move nor speak. Luckily, Mr Shue seemed to pick up on this.

"It's all right buddy, how about we go back to bed for a couple hours?" Mr Shue asked. Matt nodded, and Mr Shue helped bring Matt to his feet and held his shoulder walking back to the room. Matt laid down on the bed again, not bothering to get under the covers. Mr Shue left, but then returned 15 minutes later to check on him. His eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep – Mr Shue didn't know that though. Really, Matt was just living the memories again, like an old film playing again and again and again. The screams like the old ragtime, the blood like the slapstick comedy. It was all there – clear and as pristine as ever. He wanted to open his eyes so he didn't have to see it for another second, but he could hear Mr Shue standing there. And the pain wouldn't leave, it would never leave. It'd just find a new way to present itself.

Mr Shue was just about to walk out again when he heard Matt mutter, almost inaudibly.

 _Mom._

And to Mr Shue, Matt might have well stabbed him with a knife, because that's the amount of empathy he felt for Matt at that exact moment. And that's when he decided – Matt would live with him. He would stay here. He would help Matt get through school, get through _life_ , because he had no one else. And if someone didn't do something soon, he wouldn't have a life to get through.


	9. Guilt

Matt woke up and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. Thursday, 6:40. He was exhausted, but he knew that he wouldn't get back to sleep now. Matt got up sluggishly, and then walked into the bathroom. He splashed some water onto his face before remembering what happened earlier this morning. What was he _thinking_?! How could he be so stupid?! Matt grabbed his knife and made a large cut (wound more like it) on his chest. He gasped from the pain, but for those few seconds he didn't have to think about anything. No thoughts, no guilt, just stinging. He was just finishing when he saw a shadow walk past the door. Mr Shue. He quickly put his shirt down and was just about to put the knife down when Mr Shue appeared through the door. "Hey buddy, are you alright?" He asked kindly. Matt nodded, slowly moving the knife into his back pocket so Mr Scheuster didn't see it.

But he did see it. He saw the blood on the tip. He saw the blood on Matt's hand. And then looked up into Matt's face. Matt looked down at the floor – he couldn't make eye contact with him. How could he do this to Mr Shue? The man who let him stay with him, the man who had _just finished_ cleaning up the cuts on his arms, and bruises and scars his father made. He made everything worse, Matt did.

"Matt, did you cut yourself" Mr Shue asked. Matt quickly shook his head, his eyes now staring at his teacher, hard and definite. "Matt. Please, tell me.". Matt just stared. "It's not your fault Matt, it's not your fault". Matt took a step back away from Mr Shue. Of course it was his freaking fault. He took the knife, he cut his skin, he killed his mother. Everything was his fault, and this was no exception. "It's not your fault" Mr Shue repeated again, "Don't blame yourself for this. Please Matt, it's not your fault, let me help you". Matt was suddenly overcome by anger, and lost control.

"Don't. Lie. To. ME" Matt said quietly, staring into Mr Scheuster's eyes. Suddenly, he brought the knife to his side, and gripped it tight. Mr Shue was startled, what was Matt doing? Suddenly, Matt was brought back to life, and dropped the knife suddenly on the floor, his eyes returning to a normal shape (not large, threatening globes). His arms went weak.

"Matt. It's okay. It's okay. I'm not angry. It's not your fault"

Matt was suddenly able to come up with a response. "I know it's not my fault Mr Shue, I'm just so used to pain I guess. It's weird going without it".

Mr Shue raised his eyebrows. "Matt, please tell me, where did you cut yourself?"

Matt whinced. What on earth was he going to do now? Then, he looked at the back of his hand. He had cut there too, not as bad as his chest but maybe badly enough to make Mr Shue stop questioning him. Mr Shue took Matt's hand and then let go. "Okay, luckily that's not too bad". He turned on the tap and placed Matt's hand underneath it. Once it was rinced, only a small cut remained. "That should be gone in a couple of days. Has the bleeding stopped?"

Matt nodded. "Okay – Matt, let's go have some breakfast. I want to talk to you about something – but I think for now we could both use some food. And _I'll_ cook it, okay?" Mr Shue said with a smile.

Matt slightly lifted one side of his lip, although the last thing he felt like doing with his face was smiling.

10 minutes later, Matt and Mr Shue were sitting at opposite ends of the table, eating eggs and toast. Matt hadn't eaten eggs since his mom was alive, as his father always claimed them to be "too expensive". Meaning, he had better things to spend his money on, like liqueur. Matt bit into his toast, and the egg yolk ran down his throat. It was honestly the best thing he ever tasted, and only took him 4 bites to finish. Mr Shue smiled, Matt must've been starving. "Want any more Matt?" Mr Shue asked. "No thanks Mr Shue – I've had enough". To be honest, Matt could've easily eaten another, but he didn't want to bother Mr Shue. Plus, he wasn't feeling great from the chest wound he made. He could feel dried up blood in his shirt, but lots of it, which Matt knew from the knife incident at 14, wasn't good.

They both got up from the table, and started washing the dishes. Mr Shue began to speak. "Okay – Matt, I want to ask you about something. As you know, you won't be going to live with your father again. So, we need to work out where you'll be staying".

Matt felt sick. Mr Shue didn't want him. How could he be so stupid? Thinking this'll last forever. Soon he'd be off to a foster home, and basically back to where he started. He'd….

His thoughts were cut off by Mr Shue's voice.

"Now, you have a couple of choices. One, you could go and live in a foster home, which might be great, but then again might not be so great. Two, we could try to track down one of your relatives, and see if any of them would be willing to take you on."

Matt had never really thought about this – did he even have relatives left? Relatives he didn't know about? It was almost like Washington was a different life now.

"Or three – you could stay with me. Matt, I won't bullshit you. This is going to be hard, for both of us. And you need help Matt. I know you might think you're fine, but I know you're not. You can't be. After all that's happened to you, all that must be going through your head. But I want to give you a life Matt – a life you deserve. I want to see you dance, have fun with your friends, graduate high school, go to _college_ even. You deserve those things Matt. So, I guess it's up to you, what you want. Just know, that you're not a burden on me if you do want to live here"

Matt looked at Mr Shue. "You're not bullshitting me here, are you? This isn't a joke?"

"No, of course not Matt, I'd never do that. And especially not as a joke"

Matt was silent for a moment, but then said quietly "… I've always wanted to go to college".

Mr Shue smiled. "We can get through this together buddy, really. You're not alone. I have the space, and to be honest I get lonely here all by myself. And I'm sure you do to."

Matt's eyes filled up with tears, and he looked at Mr Shue. Mr Shue put down the cloth after washing the last dish, and took a step closer towards Matt. "Is that what you want Matt?"

Matt suddenly wrapped his arms around Mr Shue, placing his hands on the top of his back. Matt was crying softly, but not of sadness this time. Mr Shue could only hear 2 words coming from Matt's mouth, and it just made him want to hug him tighter.

"…Thank you….. Thank you… Thank you…".


	10. Truth

Matt pulled away slowly, his expression suddenly becoming sad. He looked down. "Mr Shue…. I wasn't honest with you…".

"Matt, what do you mean?" Mr Shue asked

"This morning. You…. You asked me where I cut myself and…. I told you it…. It was my hand. But it wasn't and I'm sorry but I just couldn't help it and I did it and I didn't mean to and it was stupid and it's all my fault and now you probably don't want me and I…."

"Woah woah woah Matt calm down, calm down, it's alright. Firstly, no matter what it is, I do want you. I was being honest earlier and I'm being honest now. Secondly, it's not your fault, I meant it when I said that earlier to. But now I must ask you, where are you really hurt?"

Matt slowly lifted his shirt to reveal the deep cut underneath. He had to slightly tug, as the dried up blood had stuck to his shirt. He winced slightly, but did not let Mr Shue see.

Mr Shue took a deep breath in at the sight, it wasn't good. "Oh… my god. Okay, okay, it's okay, we can get through this. I think you might need stitches though, it looks pretty bad.."

"Mr Shue no! I can't go to the hospital! They'll ship me off to an insane asylum, I can't go there. Please, don't, please…." Matt pleaded

Mr Shue sighed. He did have a point. Matt really did need stitches, even more so psychological help, but for now the best thing for Matt was probably a home, not a psych ward.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to call the school, and tell them that we're not coming in today. Then, we're going to go and see one of my friends. He's a doctor, Australian, and he'll fix that up for us, but he's not one to ask questions. He'll also be able to put us in contact with a psychologist, which I think is really important for you at this point in time. Ms Pilusberry is great and all, but I think this issue has reached a bit beyond her qualifications. Got it?"

Matt nodded. That didn't sound too bad, at least he wouldn't have to go to the hospital. And as much as he hated to admit it, he needed help. He just wanted to be normal again, have the normal life that he once had. He was sick of the memories, sick of the guilt. But most importantly, sick of the pain.

20 minutes later, Mr Shue and Matt were sitting in with Mr Shue's doctor.

"Will! It's great to see you man, what's been goin' on brother?"

"Ahh not much Todd, not much"

"What brings you here today? Vocal chords again?" he asked with a wink

"No, no, actually we're here for Matt (Will gestures to Matt). He's staying with me, and I'm afraid he has quite a large cut on his chest. It looks pretty deep"

"Alright then, Matt can you lift your shirt up for a moment?"

Matt complied, and the doctor examined the cut. "That looks pretty bad, and since it's already dried over this might be complicated. But I agree with you Will – it looks like it's gonna be a deep one"

Will nodded. "So, where do we go from here?"

"Well, I don't want it to get infected, so I think stitches are the best option for now. This might be painful, but I need to reopen it up, basically recut through it. Then, I'll stitch it up for ya. And then, mate, I want to talk to you about a couple things".

Matt nodded slowly. He deserved every bit of the pain that was coming for him. Matt laid down on the hospital bed (the doctor's instruction) and the doctor grabbed a scalpel. "Alright, I'll try and get this bugger over with as quick as I can".

The doctor dug into the cut, reopening it up and causing blood to run out. It hurt, but Matt had experienced worse. Todd (the doctor) frowned slightly, he'd seen fully grown men at least whince, but Matt wasn't giving any indication of pain at all. Mr Shue noticed this too, but knew the reasons as to why. And he wasn't surprised.

After all of the stitches were done, Matt sat up. "Mate, I gotta tell you, you have the pain tolerance of a wrestler, honestly. I've seen fully grown men let out at least a hiss, and you didn't move a muscle"

Matt shrugged. He didn't know what to say. "I can tell you did that, to yourself. The location, the cut shape, says all."

Matt looked up. "I'm sorry."

"Why you apologisin'? Not your bloody fault. That's the thing about psychology – people think that if you're hurt psychologically, it's your fault. It isn't. You don't blame someone for having cancer, so why should you blame them for having depression or PTSD or bipolar? Now, I have no idea what is going through your head, but I do know it's not your fault. I must emphasise that you need some form'a help though."

Will smiled. "That's what I told him – and Matt, you really need to understand that it isn't your fault. It's not. Now, can you recommend anyone?"

"I know a guy. He knows this stuff well. Here's his number" said Todd, handing him a card.

"Thanks a million, Todd. I really need to have you and Christy over for dinner, seriously, you guys are great"

"See ya Will. Bye Matt – good luck"

And they left.

They walked out to the car, where Mr Shue started driving the opposite direction to his apartment. "Errr…. Mr Shue? I think you're going to wrong way….?"

"No I'm not Matt. I want to go to your father's apartment now. Get the rest of your stuff. Didn't have much with you when you came"

Matt felt sick. "But Mr Shue, I…."

"Matt it's alright, he's gone. They took him away. You're safe there…"

"Mr Shue, I don't ha….."

Suddenly the phone rang, and Mr Shue answered it. "Hello? Hi Mary, yep we're on our way now. I'll see you then. Yep I have the address. Yes and the forms. Okay, see you soon, bye"

Mr Shue hung up the phone. "That was Mary, one of the officer's that arrested your dad. We're going to speak to her about guardianship as well, are you sure you still want to live with me?"

"Yeah Mr Shue, I'm sure. Are you alright with it?"

"Matt, of course I am alright with it. The whole reason we're doing this is because I'm alright with it."

They rode in silence until they reached the apartment, parked the car, and went upstairs.

 **Just for the record, I know like nothing about medical practice or stitches or wounds so there is most likely a lot of incorrect stuff in this chapter. Psych is more my thing. Thanks everyone for the support** **J** **I really love reviews, so if you like it (or even dislike it) please review! I'm happy to listen to your ideas for the story as well if you have any.**


	11. Normal

Mr Shue opened the door to Matt's apartment, and instantly learned why Matt how he was. Broken glass, a sofa with springs sticking out. Empty heavy liqueur bottles all over the place. Even a small blood stain on the wall. No matter how sick Mr Shue felt at the sight, it was nothing compared to what Matt was experiencing. The memories instantly replayed in his mind of broken glass, bruises, and shoving, punching, _blackness_. He walked into his father's room, and half expected for a man to just out at him. But no one did. He opened the drawers of his father's chest for the first time ever (for he never dared to before, in fear that someone might see). They were practically empty, except for a couple of shirts and a pair of shorts. Along with more liquor. It wasn't until he got to the bottom drawer where he found something unusual. _A cell phone_. Matt didn't even know he had one. It looked old, and it had a large crack on the front, but he pocketed it. It could be useful. Then he saw it. A picture. It was of his mum, him and Matt as a baby. It was weird. Looking at this picture, they all looked so _happy_. So normal. You'd never know the truth looking at it. Even his father looked normal, wearing a smile and his eyes a normal shape. He pocketed the photo too. He then went over to the bedside table, where he found, yet, more liquor. But he found more than that. He found a letter. He didn't have time to read it now, as Mr Shue could come in at any moment. So he pocketed that too. The only thing left in the bedroom that was worth finding was a videotape, an old one, unlabelled and dusty. It could be a blank for all Matt knew, but he took it anyway.

Matt went back out to the "living room" where he saw Mr Shue talking to the police woman. "It's all signed Matt. It's done. You can stay with me now"

Matt gave a crooked smile. Finally, something good. "Okay buddy did you get your stuff?"

Matt tugged nervously on his shirt neck. "I don't have any stuff. It's all at your house…" He said quietly.

Mr Shue raised his eyebrows. "What? ... But…. You've got to have more than that?"

Matt shook his head. "Nothing".

The police officer sighed. "This is common, Mr Scheuster. In situations of abuse, usually kids are lucky to have a full set of clothes on them. Don't worry though – since you're registered as a foster guardian you'll get a weekly income, and it should be substantial to get him what he needs."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that. I'm more surprised, that's all…"

"I'm fine Mr Shue, really, I don't need anything. I've got what I need. I'm… just going to wait outside." Matt said, and he walked quickly out the door of the apartment and the apartment building. Then he vomited all over the brown, dried-up grass. Apparently the sickness caught up with him. Mr Shue soon followed, and they both got into the car.

"I'm sorry I had to take you back there Matt. I really am. We never have to go back there again. Ever."

That was the last time Matt ever saw his old apartment.

Soon, they arrived at a shopping centre. Matt was puzzled, what were they doing here? "Okay – Matt, let's go"

Matt followed Mr Shue, still puzzled, but years of abuse did teach him one simple concept. Don't ask questions. Ever. They went into Target, and then into the men's section. "So, Matt, what do you like?"

"Like? Ummm, I don't really understand Mr Shue"

"Matt, you've worn those same clothes for god only knows. And a bomber jacket along with shoes with holes in the soles are not going to keep you warm in this weather. You'll just end up sick. So, we're going to get you some new stuff"

"Mr Shue…. No…. you can't… The money, all this stuff….. I don't…."

Mr Shue held up a finger to silence him. "Matt, you need this. And you heard what the police officer said, don't worry about money. That's honestly the last thing you need to be worrying about right now. What you need to focus on now is finding stuff in your size"

Matt smiled at him. He hadn't received anything new since his mom died. His clothes came from charity bins mainly, but he'd been able to get a couple of things from the kid who lived downstairs as well.

An hour later, Matt and Mr Shue walked out back to the car. Matt had gotten a new pair of shoes (high top sneakers), 2 pairs of jeans and 3 shirts, a pair of pyjamas, a beanie, a scarf and a pair of gloves along with a warm winter coat. Mr Shue had also bought him a cell phone, much to Matt's protests. "I want to be able to contact you" he had said. But Matt knew that there had to be another reason for it.

Back at Mr Shue's apartment, they put Matt's stuff into the spare room and Mr Shue emptied all of the junk into a spare drawer in the kitchen. Matt put his stuff away into the chest of drawers, and then had a shower, careful to avoid the stitches on his chest. After that he put on a new shirt and pair of jeans. He couldn't remember ever feeling as good as he did now. He'd almost forgotten how it felt to wear a shirt that didn't have a hole in it. It was incredible.

That night, Matt went to sleep in a warm bed, wearing an actual pair of _pyjamas_ , the memory didn't even cross his mind for longer than 5 seconds. And it didn't put him into shock either. It was the first night in 8 years that Matt slept a full night.


	12. Ballad

**The last 2 chapters have really sucked in my opinion – sorry about that. They've been really OC for Matt and just, not good. I'm going to try and make it more in character from this point forward.**

The next day, Matt woke up at 6:00am, before the alarm even went off. As he got dressed he remembered – today was his date with Mercedes! He was suddenly fuelled with a passionate energy, and suddenly because very conscious of his appearance. He washed his face with absolute precision and made sure there were no creases in his clothes. Then, he went back into his room where he gathered up all of his schoolbooks, pens and homework.

He went out into the kitchen where he sat at the table. He was hungry, but he didn't want to get any food. Besides, he was used to being hungry. Jesus he'd just eaten less than 9 hours ago. What the _hell_ was he complaining about? He told himself this, and just sat waiting, doing some English extra credit homework to try and bring up his grade.

Suddenly, Mr Shue came out into the kitchen, noticing that there were no bowls or plates in front of Matt or in the sink.

"Matt. You don't have to ask to eat. You can just eat, okay?"

Matt nodded, "It's still kinda awkward though. It's like – What can I eat? What are you saving? How much can I eat? How much….."

"Okay. Okay. I get the picture. To answer your questions – you can eat whenever you want. You can eat whatever you want. And eat as much as you want. I don't care if you have 3 bowls of cereal. Honestly, I'll only care if you don't eat"

"Okay, so do I kinda just….. go and get food now?"

Mr Shue smiled. "Yes Matt, you do. Go ahead"

Matt got up, and found a box of cereal in the cupboard. It looked a lot like the cereal that he took from his father's house. Come to think of it, it _was_ the cereal he took from his father's house. He held it up. "Mr Shue, can I have this?"

Mr Shue looked up, and with a sarcastic smile just nodded. Matt sat down and ate his cereal. It was honestly just weird having this freedom. The freedom to eat what he wanted, have a _phone_ , have an actual _bed_. At 7:00, both Matt and Mr Shue left for McKinley. They had glee practice this morning, the first one since the expression assignment. They got into the car, and drove on the road to McKinley. "By the way Matt, if you want, you can call me Will when we're not at school. If you want".

Matt paused. "I don't think I can do that. It'd just be weird trying to remember"

Will laughed. It sounded like something Kurt would say. Soon, they arrived at school and went into the choir room, where Kurt and Mercedes were already sitting. Matt felt this sudden rush of jealousy, even though he didn't really know why.

"Mr Shue! I have to talk to you about the set list for a second!" said Kurt, jumping up off the piano stool to speak to Mr Shue, leaving Matt and Mercedes alone. "Hey Mercedes" said Matt.

"Oh hey Matt, missed you yesterday. Where were you?" Mercedes asked

Matt paused. Somehow, he just thought that saying that he had the day off because he cut himself with a knife and then went to a doctor with his teacher who just legally became a foster parent after his abusive father was arrested wasn't the best excuse to tell a girl who he really liked. "Oh you know, just sick and stuff".

"Oh that sucks. Anyway, you still up for breadstix this afternoon? You haven't forgotten have you?"

Matt smiled. He wouldn't be able to forget even if he wanted to. "Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. By the way, can I get your number, I got a new phone"

"Yeah sure" She said, giving it to him. Just as she finished writing it down, Mr Shue clapped his hands together and began the rehersal.

"Alright! Let's get this thing going. As you all know, our sectionals are coming up, and we need to prepare a set list. We've already got Don't Stop Belivin' and I think that Rollin' in the River was a massive hit. It also shows the judges that we're a real team and I think they like that when they're deciding on who wins. Now, they've put a regulation on this year, and that is, there has to be a ballad. Luckily, we've already done a ballad week, so we know what we're doing. I suppose now the thing is – who's going to sing it?"

Suddenly, the room broke out into a wall of noise.

"Obviously me... talented… broadway… star…. Winning"

"ME! I got this! Rachel… not fair…. Soul… while girl"

Everyone was arguing about why they should get the solo, until Mike spoke up. "Mr Shue, can't we just sing it as a team?"

Matt liked this idea. I mean, this was glee _club_. Weren't they meant to sing all together anyway?

"Mr Shue, I agree with Mike. I mean, we can sit here arguing over solos but fact is, vocal adrenaline is spending every minute winning their sectionals. We should just focus on winning ours…." Finn said.

"Couldn't have put it better myself. Those who agree?"

Everyone raised their hand, except for Rachel who looked around the room, outraged. Before she could speak however, Mr Shue broke the silence.

"Great, now we have that under control, we can actually find a song to sing. Anyone have any ideas?"

"Gotta feeling?" suggested Tina

"Somewhere" asked Kurt

"Great suggestions guys, but I don't know if they're quite ballad material. Anyone else?"

"Mad world"

"Another one bites the dust"

"Viva la Vida."

"Wait, who said that last one?" Mr Shue asked

No one said anything. "Viva la Vida? Who said that?"

Matt slowly raised his hand. Mr Shue smiled. "That, could honestly work. It's a ballad, and not your typical romance either. Plus, it can contain both solo and group parts. I like it. Those who agree?"

Everyone raised their hand, and then the bell rang. "Okay, done. Great work today everyone, really excited for sectionals, I think we've got some great stuff" and with that, everyone left.


	13. Football

Matt was walking down the hall from glee club rehearsal when something caught his eye – football tryouts! Mike came up next to him. "You going for it?" he asked

"Yeah, think I will" Matt replied

"Awesome, well I'll see you on the field. 12pm they're holding tryouts"

"Okay – see you then" Matt said, and walked off.

12pm came around, and Matt walked onto the field where about 50 other guys were standing. This was going to be tough. Only 17 of them would make the team. Lucky for Matt, he figured that about 20 of them were going for quarterback, and he was going for wide receiver. Wide receivers were quick, and you had to be where Matt was from. The number of times Matt had run home to arrive before 6pm to avoid any extra excuses his father would have to hurt him.

"OKAY!" Ken Roared "I'M GOING TO SAY THIS, AND I'M GOING TO SAY IT ONCE. IF YOU MAKE THIS TEAM, YOU ARE ON MY TEAM! GOT THAT? YOU COME TO PRACTICE, YOU PLAY EVERY GAME. YOU DON'T MAKE THE TEAM THEN YOU LEAVE. NOW, I WANT MY QUARTERBACKS OVER HERE, WIDE RECEIVERS OVER THERE, FULLBACKS HERE AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. GOT IT?"

Matt jogged over to where Ken had asked the wide receivers to stand. Mike was going for wide receiver too, so including both him and Mike there were about 10 other guys. Luckily for them though, most of them had never played a game of football.

After a straight hour of routes, plays, practice games and drills, the team had been decided.

"OKAY. I HAVE DECIDED WHICH GENTLEMEN WILL BE PLAYING, AND WHICH ONES WILL BE LEAVING. QUARTER BACK, WE HAVE FINN HUDSON. BACK UP QUARTERBACK, MATT RUTHERFORD. WIDE RECEIVER, MIKE CHANG AND MATT RUTHERFORD. BACK UP WIDE RECEIVER, ANDY GOLDSMITH. LEFT DEFENCE, NOAH PUCKERMAN AND DAVE KAROWSKY". Ken ran off the list until he reached the bottom. Then he handed out the Leatherman jackets. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, AND BE HERE IN THE MORNING 7AM SHARP. NO EXCUSES"

Matt turned to Mike. "I think there's a mistake. I didn't even go for quarterback man"

Suddenly Finn ran up to them. "Great plays today Matt. I didn't know you wanted to be a quarterback?"

"I don't." replied Matt "Or at least, I didn't go for it. I don't know why he put me there…"

The three went over to Ken, who bluntly responded with "Didn't I ask you all to LEAVE?!" "Coach, Matt didn't try out for quarterback…. Why is he back-up?" asked Finn.

"Because I SAID SO HUDSON. Look Matt (turns to Matt) – you're good. You've got potential. I think you could really be a quarterback one day. But I expect 110% from you, you got that?! I could have given that job to anyone, but I gave it to you. While Finn's here – you're a receiver. But the minute he can't play, you have to be ready. And you gotta be ready for the worst here. This, is football". And with that, Ken walked away, leaving Matt confused and slightly irritated. He never asked to be quarterback…. "Well, good job Matt. Anyway I gotta go, I'm late for Calc." Mike said, and ran off. Matt looked at his phone. 1:15. Crap. He was 15 minutes late for….. he groaned. _Spanish_. The one class that any teacher would actually give a shit about being late for, Matt was late for. He threw his pads off in the locker room and quickly got changed into his regular clothes after a 3 second rinse. He was just about to walk into Spanish when something hit him – he had no money, and a date with Mercedes Jones this afternoon. He was conflicted, but then figured that he was already late anyway, so Mr Shue probably wouldn't notice if he didn't show up anyway. It wouldn't make a difference.

He ran back to the locker room, where he got his leatherman jacket. Now here was the thing about Matt – he was not a naturally violent person, and certainly no bully. He was not a criminal. But he knew that sometimes, he had to do what he had to do. He went out the front of the school, where he met Puck, who basically ditched more classes than he attended. "Puck, I need your help with something" Matt said

"Ahh, see you've cut Scheuster too? Fair enough, Spanish is bull anyway. But no can do. I got shit to do, despite what everyone thinks"

"Look. I need money. And I always preferred doing these things as two men rather than one. You in or not?" asked Matt

Puck thought for a moment, but then agreed. "Whatever Rutherford. Cash is cash. What you got in mind?"

"Dunno. No nerds to target, all in class.". Suddenly, they saw Jacob walk past in the distance, probably just going to the bathroom or something. But even so, it was worth a shot. Matt and Puck looked at each other for a moment, and then ran after Jacob, stopping him just before he got back into the school building.

"Well well well. If it isn't Jacob Ben Israel" Puck said, holding out his hand. "You know the drill". Jacob stared at Puck, but after a few moments of thought he smiled. "Sure thing….. Puckerman. I'll get it back soon enough…." He said, grinning at Matt. "Have fun…. _Scheuster_ ". Then he walked off.

Puck grinned. "Well that was easier than expected. Here you go, I don't need it. I'll get mine later" Puck said, handing Matt the 20. Matt smiled, but on the inside he was nervous. _Scheuster_. Something about the way Jacob said that. Then it hit him. _He knew_. Jacob knew about him living with Mr Shue. He knew about his father. He _knew everything_. Money would be the only way Matt could keep Jacob quiet, but he could worry about that later. Right now he had to focus on the present.

"Thanks Puck" he said, and then ran off back into the school building. Ditching one class, he could do. But two of them? That'd raise suspicion. He quickly ran up to maths, before he could see Mr Shue in the hallways and get caught. After the bell rang, Matt walked to breadstix, where he said he'd meet Mercedes. As soon as he arrived, he sighed with relief. He'd made it!

He went in and sat down at a table. He loved the smell of breadstix, all the hot food being cooked in the kitchen wafted around the whole dining area. But he didn't enjoy it for very long.

Mercedes never showed up.


	14. The price of Silence

Matt left Breadstix, and honestly had no idea what to do next. He didn't want to go back to Mr Shue's apartment. Not yet anyway. First, he decided to go back to school and find Jacob. He'd return the money. It was stupid from the beginning. He used to have a reason to have to steal, but now it just seemed plain selfish. Jacob was usually in the back of the library, hacking into the school systems to find new information. He went into the library, and sure enough, there Jacob was.

"I don't have any more money to give you" he said

"I'm not here for that. Look dude, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken your money" Matt said, and handed him back the 20.

"Guess you figured you better, didn't you? Keep me quiet" Jacob said sneakily.

"Look, what do you know about me? It's creepy. Okay?"

"Well, you'll just have to find out, won't you?"

"Look – you can't say anything. Okay. Not to anyone."

"And what do I get of it?"

"You want money from me? Dude, I just gave you a 20"

"No, 'dude', you just gave me back _my_ 20\. Now, what'll it be?"

"I don't _have_ any money. Okay?"

"Well, I could make a deal. I don't run the story, and I leave you alone. And you and your friends stop throwing slushies in my face"

Matt honestly had no desire to throw slushies at anyone. He never actually threw a slushie before – he seemed to just be there at times where other people threw them. He didn't like stealing either, and only did it when he knew that he wouldn't eat otherwise. But he didn't let Jacob know this.

"Jacob, you got a deal" he said, shaking on it. Jacob suddenly gave him a grin. "Scheuster's looking for you. Didn't look too happy when he saw you, ahem, missed Spanish"

Matt nodded, and then he ran out of the library and up onto the top of the school. "Fucking piece of shit!" He yelled at himself. "Look at you. Thief. Loser. Criminal. Selfish. Unlovable. Piece. Of. Garbage". Mercedes hated him. Mr Shue would never want him. He thought it was _okay_ to use fear to get what he wanted. Just like his father. For those few moments, when he took that money, his conscience was gone. The world would honestly be better without him. He didn't deserve to live here.

He grabbed a knife out of his pocket, and reopen the cut on his arm. The pain, oh he missed it. "Look at you – selfish. All he's done for you. Gave you a home, a bed, food, clothes, safety. And you betrayed him. WORTHLESS. LOSER!" he yelled (not out loud), punctuating those last two words with cuts. They weren't deep, but they were enough. Suddenly, we walked over to the ledge, and just stood down. Staring at the bus that was parked underneath. Just one jump, and it'd all be over. One jump, and the world could go on without him. He placed one foot on the low, brick wall and then the other. He breathed in the fresh, cold air.

" _It's not worth it Matt"_. He heard Mr Shue's voice in his head. " _Take it from me, It's not worth it"_.

" _Do it! Jump! Worthless freak!"_ his father's voice echoed

" _You'll be with me soon Matt, I love you"_. His mother.

And just before he could take another step, a pair of arms wrapped around him, and pulled him down from the ledge.


	15. Regrets

You know those times in our lives, where we aren't really living. We're breathing, and seeing. Hearing and tasting. But we switch off, stuck in our own minds. We process the world but we're not really in it at all. Just living in our heads, separated from reality. Watching the blurs of life pass by us, as they're not really there. Detached from our bodies, pain invisible. Walking weakly. Thinking deeply. World passing. Voices blasting. But never once, do we understand them.

This is how Matt felt right now. Being lead down the hallways. Someone had their arm around him, 2 people actually. He had one arm around each of their shoulders and stepped 1… 2... 1… 2… He heard the voice of the figure, but could not make out who it was. He wasn't really listening anyway.

Only once before had Matt ever felt like this, and that was after the car crash when his mother died. He remembered the paramedics pulling him out of the car, his mother's lifeless face, the shocked screams of spectators. None of it registered at the time, but he remembered it. 1… 2… 1… 2…

The whole time Matt was muttering. "I'm… so…. Sorry. I'm…. so…. Sorry. Mr shue….. mom…. Sorry….. sorry…..". Dribbling, muttering, face drooping.

Mr Shue was sitting in his office. It was 6:15pm, and still no sign of Matt. He was worried – Matt hadn't shown up to Spanish, and he hadn't seen him after school either. The other kids in the class reported seeing him at football tryouts, but not after. Will was slightly annoyed as well though – he hadn't told him where he had gone, and he skipped a class. Also, he heard a rumour about Matt _stealing_ a cell phone from Jacob or something? But he doubted it. Matt wouldn't do that, would he?

Suddenly the figures approached Mr Shue's office, still supporting Matt. They went inside.

"Mr Shue… We found him".

"Oh my god Matt! Where were you? What have you been doing?! I… Finn? Is he alright?" Mr Shue asked

"I don't know… we just found him and he's like, zoned out or something" replied Finn

"Where was he?" Asked Mr Shue with concern

"He was up on the roof, standing on the ledge or something. We have no idea what he was doing, but we brought him down anyway" Said Puck

Mr Shue went pale. He knew what he was doing up there. He'd been up there himself, after cheating in a test.

Suddenly, Matt woke up. He woke up not from the world, but from his own mind. He looked around at Mr Shue, and Puck and Finn and the office. What was he _doing_ here?

"Where….. am…. I?" Matt asked quietly

"Mr Shue's office, McKinley High" Finn replied "You alright Matt?"

"I… I… I think so. Why am I here? It's dark outside"

"We found you up on the roof, you were standing up there and then your eyes went all big and stuff and you couldn't walk or anything, so we brought you here" Finn reiterated

"Matt, I think we might need to go to the hospital now. I think you might've tried to kill yourself"

Puck and Finn froze. "Mr Shue….. No way… how…." Finn stammered

"Finn, I don't know. I just… the roof… the ledge… it just seems to fit" Mr Shue replied

"I didn't… I wasn't going to" Matt said definitely.

"Matt, do you remember what you were doing up there?" Mr Shue asked

"I… I came from breadstix and, went to the library… and then… then… I'd just talked to Jacob… and said sorry and returned it and he said you were looking for me… I went up to the roof and I heard someone. Wait… I heard you! And… and my mother. And my dad. And, then, someone grabbed me or something. Sorry, it's a little hazy…"

"Yeah, that was me" said Puck

"Matt, are you _sure_ you didn't try to jump?"

"I… I don't know…" Matt admitted "It's like I was just taken over or something. I can't remember what happened after I heard my mom, I just remember feeling someone grab me"

"Okay. I want to take you home, then we'll go from there"

"Mr Shue, I can take him if you want, his house is on the way" Finn offered

Mr Shue sighed. "Not tonight buddy, not tonight. He, doesn't live there anymore. I'll…. I'll tell you later. But for now, thanks for all of your help with everything, honestly, you have no idea what you did tonight, but you might have just saved a life"

Finn and Puck left, and Mr Shue was left with Matt. "Oh Matt, what are we going to do, hey?" asked Mr Shue

"Mr Shue…. I'm so sorry…" Matt stammered "You… you helped me and I… I… stole and… missed your class… I just… Mercedes… gone… guilt… _voices_ … mom…". He began to doze off, when Mr Shue caught his head and placed Matt's arm around his shoulder. "Woah, not yet buddy, not yet. Let's go out to the car, okay?"

Matt nodded woozily, and Mr Shue lead him out to the car. He sat him down in the passenger seat, and Mr Shue whipped out his cell phone. Mr Shue dialled Emma's number.

"Hi, Emma?! I need your help. I've got Matt here, and I don't think he's okay. I think he might be having a breakdown or something, he's shaking and keeps apologising or something, and he looks like he'd falling asleep"

"Will, calm down. Breathe. Just Breathe. He sounds like he might be having a trauma attack. Where did you find him?"

"On the roof. I… I don't know what he was doing. I don't think he knows either"

"Will – I think you need to take him to a hospital. I can meet you at Lima state hospital if you want – psychiatric emergency"

"Okay, okay, I'll see you then in 10. 10 minutes. Okay…"

"Will, just breathe. Breathe. It's going to be alright"

"But what if it's not Emma?! He's such a _good_ kid. I… I just don't know what's going through his head. He's been through so much…"

"Will, I think the most important thing now is to just get to the hospital. I'm going out to my car now" Emma replied, and then hang up the phone.

Matt suddenly started to droop again, and went even paler. Will was shocked at this, and put his foot further down on the throttle.

Exactly 10 minutes and 40 seconds later, Matt and Mr Shue arrived at the hospital where Emma was standing out the front.

"Hi Will, oh my, he looks awful. Let's go in and have a chat with the doctor shall we?"

Will put Matt's arm around his shoulders and helped him inside. Luckily, the hospital wasn't too busy, so they got in within 15 minutes.

"Hello Matt, can you come in with me for a moment? Just for a chat. Mr Scheuster, Miss Pilisberry, can you wait outside? We won't take long"

Matt and the doctor went inside, where Matt sat down on one of the plastic chairs. "Mom…. I'm sorry…. Mr Shue… I'm so… sorry…. No mama, please…. Mama… I…"

"Who do you hear Matt? Tell me, who do you hear?"

"My mom… and Mr Shue..."

"What are they say to you?"

"it's my fault… I should've died instead…. He hates me… He knows it… it… it was my fault… he doesn't want me…"

"What is your fault Matt? What happened?" Asked the doctor gently

"The car crash."

"What car crash Matt? What happened? You can tell me"

"I… he… she was driving to a baseball game. She said.. I de.. served it… and then…. A van hit us. I was fine…. I lived… but… but she…. Didn't"

The doctor quickly took down some notes on a pad, and then resumed the conversation with Matt.

"Matt, how is that your fault?"

Matt looked up. "The baseball game…. was for… my report card. And… I was excited… I… I was talking loudly…. Distracting…. She…. She…"

"Matt, do you remember what side the van hit you on? How it happened"

"It… it came from the right… That's why it killed mom"

"Then how is it your fault? Do you have a driver's license Matt?"

Matt shook his head. "Well, cars are meant to wait for you if they are on your right. That means, it was the van's fault"

"But…. But… I…."

"It's not your fault Matt. It's not."

Words could not describe what Matt felt at that moment. He hadn't killed his mother? He… he'd carried that around for so long. The guilt, the regret, the pain of his crime.

"Matt. I think you are going to need help. You carry around a very traumatic life event, and I'm afraid that unless we treat it now, it will just get worse"

"Will I have to leave Mr Shue?" asked Matt

"I would like to speak to both Mr Scheuster and Ms Pilusberry about this in a moment, but first I want to ask you something else. You said you heard Mr Shue? What was he saying to you?"

"That…. He doesn't want me"

"Why would he not want you Matt?"

"I'm unlovable… I skipped his class today…. And… and I stole money…. I have it back but…. But I… I thought it was okay…. In those few minutes…. And… I… Mr Shue…."

"Matt, who did you steal from?"

"This nerdy kid, Jacob…"

"How much?"

"20 bucks"

"Why?"

"I… had no money. I was going to go on a date with a girl…. And I had no money…. And I didn't know what else to do…. I really like her…. She never showed up though…."

"Matt, you are not a bad person. 20 dollars isn't much, but even so, you gave it back. You apologised and gave it _back_. That proves something"

"But… it was selfish… I scared him… I scared me… I was like my dad"

"You are not your father Matt, you are a good person. Everyone makes poor choices, but they do not define you, as long as you know they were the wrong thing to do"

"But, Mr Shue… he hates me… He'll send me back… I can't go back…"

"Did he tell you this?"

"No, I just know"

"I think we need to talk to him now, along with Ms Pilusberry. You can wait here, I'll go get them"

The doctor left, and shut the door behind him, leaving Matt in the office.

"Mr Schuester, Ms Pilusberry? I've just spoken to Matt. I think that he has severe PTSD, but luckily I think he's able to be treated. Could you come in for a moment please?"

The doctor led Mr Scheuster and Ms Pilusberry into the office where Matt was sitting, where they both look seats in chairs opposite Matt.

"Matt and I have just had a chat, and now I just would like to ask you both a few questions"

Mr Shue nodded. "Where did you find Matt?" the doctor asked

"Well, a couple of students of mine, Puck and Finn, found him on the roof of the school. About 6 o'clock.

"What were you doing up there Matt?"

"I… I was just… I don't really know… I remember talking to Jacob… and then…. Just going up there?"

"Do you remember what you were thinking before going up onto the roof?"

"Just…. My mom and Mr Shue…"

"What about me Matt?" asked Mr Shue

"Just… just… I'm sorry… I… I… you helped me and… I... I just… I don't want to go back…"

"Go back where, buddy?"

"My dad's place"

"Why would I send you there?" asked Mr Shue with a kind smile, reaching out for Matt's hand

"I skipped your class…. Stole…. Lost…."

"Oh Matt…" he said, gripping Matt's hand. "Look, every single one of you is going to make mistakes… we all do… and although I'm not exactly proud of your choices, it doesn't mean you deserve to go back. No one deserves that"

Matt's mind jumped to the time where he broke one of his father's whiskey bottles, leaking the liqueur all over the floor. After beating him, his father threw him out of the apartment, yelling "you aren't my son you fucking piece of shit!". Matt was 13 then. He was terrified. Sleeping out alone in those apartments was just as dangerous as sleeping on the street. Bad things happened in those apartments, and you always kept the door locked.

"Matt…. Matt? Come on, let's come back. That's it…." The doctor cued.

"What were you thinking about then Matt?" the doctor asked

"I deserve it" he said quickly

"No, you don't Matt. I love having you live with me, and it doesn't matter how many classes you skip or phones you steal, that's not going to change"

"Phone? What's this about a phone Matt?" asked the doctor

"Didn't he steal a phone?" asked Mr Shue

"20 bucks…." Matt said quietly

"That's beside the point. I don't care how much you stole, I still want you Matt"

"Okay, now that is settled, I need to ask you Matt, are you suicidal? Or did you, when you were up there on the roof?"

"I don't know…. I mean…. I don't now. I'm fine."

"Okay. I think you're okay to go home, but to be safe I don't want you to be alone tonight. Mr Scheuster, can you keep an eye on him tonight? Or alternatively, we can watch over him here"

"I'm happy to take him home and watch him there"

Matt was relieved, he really didn't want to have to stay here.

"Now, about the PTSD, I think counselling may be good enough, if he sees a psychiatrist once a fortnight just to check in. Ms Pilusberry, do you think you would be able to counsel Matt? Just CBT, maybe twice a week?"

Emma nodded. "Sure, I can do that"

"Are there any issues with self-harm?" the doctor asked Will

"Yes, there have been a couple of incidents"

"Why do you self-harm Matt? What do you feel?"

"The memories. Just…. to cope with them….. I guess. And whenever…. Things get too much…. Blame…"

"Okay, I think the counselling may be able to help with that, if that's the cause. Are there any other things I should know about?"

Mr Shue looked at Ms Pilusberry and Matt, and then shook his head. "Okay, I think you are okay to leave. Here is my number, in case anything goes wrong"

"Thanks" replied Will, and they all left. Matt was able to walk better now, but Mr Shue still kept a hand on his shoulder just in case. In the car, Matt checked his phone, and saw a text from Mercedes. He opened it quickly, and it read:

 _Hi Matt,_

 _Sorry I missed it today, my sister got sick so my mom said I had to come home and take care of her, since she had to work. I saw you play today, congratulations on making the team! I can't wait to watch your next game_

 _Mercedes_ _J_

Matt felt relieved – so it wasn't him. She just had to go home, that's all. And, she said she watched the game. This made Matt feel warm inside, although he didn't exactly understand why. All he knew, at that moment, was that he didn't need anyone watching him to make sure he didn't hurt himself. He just needed her.

 **This chapter took a bit longer to write, hence the wait, but I like it more than the previous few. I think it might fill in a couple of gaps from the last chapter. It was a bit broken in terms of plot, but hopefully this one cleared up some of those gaps.**

 **Please review! :D**


	16. Nightmares

**Sorry I haven't updated - I haven't been able to due to an account error. Just out of curiousity, are people still reading this? It is coming up as 0 views or something? Anyway - please review :) I'll keep updating as much as I can**

Matt and Mr Shue sat on the floor of the living room, eating pizza and drinking soda they had ordered in. "So, Matt, I heard about your tryouts today. How did they go?" Mr Shue asked, then biting into his slice of cheese pizza.

"Well, I got receiver which was good, that's what I wanted. But Ken made me back up quarterback for some reason. I guess that's a step up, but I've never really played quarterback before…."

"Backup quarterback? That's great Matt – is Finn the quarterback?"

"Yeah. He's really good, so hopefully I won't have to sub"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I prefer playing receiver. Mike is the other receiver, which is cool. Puck is left defence, along with Karowsky, and this kid, Andy Goldsmith is back-up receiver"

"Andy? Didn't even know he played football. He's in my freshman Spanish class, nice enough kid but didn't see him as a sporting type"

"He was okay, Mike was better though"

"You seem a lot happier now, and you're definitely talking better"

"Yeah I am. I feel pretty good. Honestly, I don't think I tried to kill myself this afternoon, I remember feeling bad, but I don't remember trying to jump off"

Mr Shue looked at him. "I still want to keep an eye on you tonight regardless, not to sound creepy or anything. I just want to make sure you're okay"

It was a cool autumn morning. The bright green and orange trees rustled in the wind. Matt was driving through Washington, his mother in the driver's seat. "I can't wait! I can't wait! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Matt cried. "Okay, okay settle down sweetie. And my special little man, my _smart_ little man, you just have fun today. You deserve it". They drove through Washington, Matt chatting loudly about baseball and his favourite players. Suddenly, a white van hit the right side of the car, and they slid for metres. Matt was scared. "Mom?" he asked, looking to the right side of the car. That was when the world went cold. The world was white and blue, except for the blood. All of the blood, surrounding his mother's face. Matt should have screamed, but he remained silent. He couldn't move, couldn't hear, couldn't do anything. All that he knew was that his mother wasn't waking up, and her wide eyes weren't seeing anymore.

Matt opened his eyes, and stared up at the ceiling. He was covered in sweat, and he was shaking violently. He sat up slowly, holding onto the side of the bed. Mr Shue was sitting in the chair in his room, asleep. Matt got up slowly, careful not to make any noise, and walked out into the kitchen. He turned on the tap and splashed some water onto his face, still shaking heavily.

Will wasn't really asleep. His eyes were closed, but he was alert. He heard a creak and opened his eyes suddenly. He saw Matt's shadow reflect on the door, and then suddenly disappear. He got up quickly, not knowing what Matt was going to do. Will walked into the kitchen, and saw Matt splashing water onto his face. Shaking violently.

"Matt?" asked Will

Matt spun around suddenly, tripping over his feet. He quickly got up and walked backwards into the corner of the kitchen

"Matt?" asked Will again "Are you alright?"

"Mr Shue?"

"Yeah buddy, just me"

"I'm fine. Just the nightmares, you know"

He didn't know, but he nodded anyway. "Do you think you'll be alright for glee tomorrow?"

"Yeah Mr Shue, I'll be fine"

He didn't want to miss glee, and he wanted to see Mercedes. Plus, he wanted to dance. He missed it. He really did.

"Alright. Well, now that I've established that you aren't about to kill yourself (he smiled), do you want to go back to sleep?"

Matt shook his head. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, and he didn't want to. He didn't like to admit it, but he was scared. He wanted to see his mom again, but not like that. "Could I just, sit out here for a bit?"

Mr Shue looked compassionate, but then nodded. "I think I'll head back to bed, but let me know if you need anything"

For the rest of the night, Matt listened to music on his phone. It felt good. It was like happiness flowing from the phone straight through the earphones and into his mind. He missed the music. They didn't really do anything this morning. In fact, the last time he sang was in his expression assignment. People didn't really see Matt as a singer, he was more of a dancer, but he still liked to sing. Usually he only sang when he was alone, but the expression assignment forced him to sing in front of others. Although, _All I need_ wasn't exactly the best song to start with. It was sort of depressing. But then again, at the time Matt's life _was_ depressing. There isn't much light to be found in Matt's father's apartment. Matt fell asleep eventually with the happiness still floating through his ears. And for those few hours, the nightmares stayed out of the darkness.


	17. Acceptance

Matt woke up with music with earphones in his ears but silence. He sat up and looked around the apartment. It wasn't light outside, but it wasn't exactly dark. A 5:30am lightness. He looked at the clock: 6:10am. He knew that Mr Shue would be awake soon, but to be honest he really wanted some alone time. He liked Mr Shue and everything, but he was used to fighting on his own, and living in his own world to avoid the horrors of the real one. He wasn't used to not having to do that.

Matt had a shower, changed clothes and got his school stuff, after writing a note telling Mr Shue where he had gone so he didn't get worried. Then, he went out the door for a walk. He felt a lot like he did a couple of weeks ago, when he went walking through the middle of the night. The same sense of freedom but also curiousity. He stopped out of McKinley high, and felt exactly like he did on that night. A sense of home, belonging. He went through the window again and went to the auditorium, standing on the stage and staring at the empty audience. A stage light shines on Matt, where he takes a big breath in and stares at the imagined audience. Suddenly, _Viva la Vida_ begins to play, and Matt begins to sing.

 **I used to rule the world**

 **Seas would rise when I gave the word**

 **Now in the morning I sleep alone**

 **Sweep the streets I used to own**

Mr Shue is back at the apartment, dressed and showered. He was just heading out to the kitchen when he saw the note that Matt had written. He quickly skimmed it and immedietly felt sick. He was meant to watch Matt all night to make sure that this didn't happen, and what did he do? The exact opposite. He swooped his keys and bag off the table and ran down to the car. He didn't know exactly where Matt was, but he had a pretty good idea.

 **I used to roll the dice**

 **Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes**

 **Listened as the crowd would sing**

 **Now the old king is dead long live the king**

Matt began to dance along with the song, while singing at the same time. He ran from side to side on the stage, with epic dance moves coming out in between voice breaks. Mr Shue had just arrived outside McKinley, and quickly unlocked and ran through the front door.

 **One minute I held the key**

 **Next the walls were closed on me**

 **And I discovered that my castles stand**

 **Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand**

Mr Shue ran through the halls, "Matt?! Matt?!". He looked in classrooms, the cafeteria, the nurse's office, the choir room. No sign of him.

 **I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing**

 **Roman cavalry choirs are singing**

 **Be my mirror, my sword and shield**

 **My missionaries in a foreign field**

 **For some reason I can't explain**

 **Once you'd gone there was never**

 **Never an honest word**

 **And that was when I ruled the world**

Mr Shue had just entered the side of the auditorium, and stood on right side of the stage, just out of audience view (even through there was no one there). He saw Matt singing and dancing, but he couldn't say, or do, anything. He just watched.

 **It was a wicked and wild wind**

 **Blew down the doors to let me in**

 **Shattered windows and the sound of drums**

 **People couldn't believe what I'd become**

 **Revolutionaries wait**

 **For my head on a silver plate**

 **Just a puppet on a lonely string**

 **Oh who would ever want to be king?**

 **I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing**

 **Roman cavalry choirs are singing**

 **Be my mirror, my sword and shield**

 **My missionaries in a foreign field**

 **For some reason I can't explain**

 **I know St Peter won't call my name**

 **Never an honest word**

 **But that was when I ruled the world**

 **Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh [x5]**

Matt put every last bit of emotion into his words, every feeling into his dancing. It was the most incredible feeling he had ever experienced. Mr Shue was mesmerised – he had no idea. This kid, the kid who sat at the back of the choir room, the kid who sung back-up vocals, the kid who said hardly a thing, he had such energy, such _talent_. He could honestly be on Broadway if he wanted to be, he could be anywhere. Matt put extra power into the last verse.

 **Hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing**

 **Roman cavalry choirs are singing**

 **Be my mirror, my sword and shield**

 **My missionaries in a foreign field**

 **For some reason I can't explain**

 **I know St Peter won't call my name**

 **Never an honest word**

 **But that was when I ruled the world**

Everything went silent. Matt was dripping with sweat, and he looked into the "audience". Suddenly, he heard applause. Mr Shue walked onto the stage.

Matt put his hand up to cover his eyes from the powerful stage light. "Mr Shue?". Mr Shue just stared at him in wonder, shaking his head with a mesmerised smile. "Matt, I had no idea". Matt was confused.

"Idea about what? I'm sorry I left, I just needed some time"

Mr Shue shook his head. "No, not about that. Just, what you did. The _expression_ , I've never seen it in you before. Matt, I really think you've got something special, I think you could do something great"

Matt stared at him. He wasn't bullshitting him. He could see it in his face. Suddenly, the other glee kids began to enter the auditorium for rehearsal. They ran through Don't Stop Believin' and then went back to the choir room.

"Okay guys, I think it's time to get stuck into the ballad. I know we agreed to sing it together, but I've decided to have some main vocalists too. I think Finn, you'd be a great first lead, as your range is great for the song"

Rached smiled "Yes! This is going to be so great! Our voices go great together! Mr Shue, also, can you make sure that the mic is right this time for my part of the solo?"

"Actually Rachel, you haven't got a solo part for this song. I'm giving it to Matt"

Rachel looks extremely offended. "Are you kidding me?! No offence Mr Shue, but if we've got Matt singing up there everyone is just going to get depressed. This is _show choir_ , not…. Loner ville support group"

Mercedes looks at Rachel. "Woah girl, don't you even…."

"Look, I'm just being _honest_. I mean, come on, Matt's dancing is good, but for such a _powerful_ song I think it's safe to say that Finn and me are the only two voices in this club that could really _handle_ it"

"And you dance like you're a puppet on a string with your smile being that of a jack-in-the-box clown, who freaks everyone out" Santana scoffed "I'm actually all for this arrangement"

"Yeah you would be all for it wouldn't you? Ganging up on me with loner psycho over there, seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if you're both from the same foster group"

Santana started to lunge at Rachel, only to be held back by Puck and Mile. Matt didn't say anything, he just looked at Rachel for about a second, and walked out the door. Mike ran after him, leaving Rachel, Mr Shue and the rest of the glee club in the choir room.

Rachel had her hands over her mouth. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that"

Mr Shue glared at Rachel. "No matter what your intentions were, Rachel, that was extremely rude and hurtful. This is _glee club_ , a safe place. And quite frankly Rachel, I'm sick of your attitude. We're a team, and that means that there are a lot more people to this club than just you. I am _giving_ Finn and Matt these parts, and I am sure that they will do a fantastic job"

Rachel just nodded. She couldn't look at him. "I'm sorry Mr Shue"

Mr Shue was really angry with her, but he could see that she was truly sorry, so he didn't press the issue. He was about to go out and find Matt, only to see Mike run into the room. "Mr Shue? He's gone all weird or something. He keeps saying your name, and _mom_ or something" Mike said quickly.

"Where is he?" Asked Mr Shue

"He's at the end of the hall"

Mr Shue eyed the rest of the glee club. "Okay, guys, I'm going to go see Matt quickly, all of you just stay here for a sec. I'll be back. Have a go at Rolling in the River"

Mr Shue then ran out and through the halls, to find Matt sitting on the ground against a wall. He didn't look as bad as he did yesterday, but he didn't look fine either.

"Matt?" Asked Mr Shue kindly and quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm okay Mr Shue, I just needed to get out of there"

"Yeah, I understand buddy, I understand. This club is meant to be a place to feel safe, and I'll speak to Rachel later about that"

"I just want to feel a part of it, I feel like some freak in there. Rachel had a point – I don't fit in there. You think they'd like me the same if they knew?"

"Matt, every single one of you in that room is different. It's not my place to tell you the back story of everyone in that room, because eventually they'll tell you yourself. That's the thing about glee club. You don't have to hide yourself, it's the one place you can be you and be accepted for it"

"Mr Shue, should I tell them?"

"I think maybe, that would be a good idea. Only, if you're comfortable of course, but I think while all of this is going on in your head, you need support of those around you. You shouldn't have to do this alone Matt"

Matt was silent, but then looked at Mr Shue. He nodded. "I'll do it"

Mr Shue smiled, and then stood up, offering a hand to help Matt up. They went back into the room, where all of the glee club looked at Matt. They were all sitting in a circle of chairs. "Matt, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say that to you" Rachel said.

Matt nodded "It's alright" he said quietly. "Actually, I need to tell you guys something"

He must've looked uncomfortable, became Finn spoke up. "It's okay dude, whatever it is, you can tell us"

Matt sat down in one of the empty chairs, and began to speak:

"When I was 12, my mother died in a car accident. I'm not going to go into details, because it's pretty hard to talk about, but it still affects me every day. Anyway, I was sent to live with my father here, in Lima, who…. To put it lightly, wasn't great to me. He had a drinking problem, and he used to hit me a lot, yell things at me, made my life hell. Only recently, did I have the courage to get out. One night, after a particularly bad one, I left, and I came here to McKinley. I lived here for about 3 days, but then Mr Shue found me. He took me back to his apartment, and I guess now he's my foster parent. (Rachel looked absolutely devastated). It's really great being out of there and stuff, but I still suffer from the trauma. I'm working on it, but it's slow. I know you guys probably think I'm a freak, but I needed to get this out… I just, I needed to let them out"

Everyone was silent. Matt looked at Mr Shue, who gave a small smile and nod.

"Dude, we don't think you're a freak. We're all different here" Finn said

"Yeah, my dad's a deadbeat. Used to hit my mom a lot, but then he ran off" Puck said

"I was in foster care for a few years, until we got in contact with my mom" Santana said

"I don't fit in here either. People think that I'm a freak because I like guys, like being gay is some form of disease" Kurt said

"My dad doesn't let me be myself either. I love my parents and all, but here is the only place I can feel like me" Mike said

"Point is dude, we're all different. But we're different together. And you should feel that you've got a home here"

"Couldn't have said it better myself Finn – and this comradery is what is going to win us sectionals. It's what the arts symbolises, and every single one of you should feel that you have a home in this room"

Matt didn't say much. But at that moment he didn't have to. Everyone got up from their chairs and hugged him, surrounding him completely. But Matt didn't feel nervous this time, he felt something else. _Love_.

 **Here it is - the next chapter. It sucks a bit in my opinion, but I have some _massive_ writer's block going on. Ideas would be extremely appreciated - please send me them and I'll chuck them in. I'm considering leaving it here, as I think I might have used all of my ideas**


	18. Sectionals

Matt stood in front of the mirror in the green room, fixing his tie. It was the day of sectionals, and everyone else was already on the side of the stage, warming up. Matt felt sick. He couldn't go out there. He knew he would mess up, make them lose, he wasn't good enough for this. _Why_ did Mr Shue have to give him a lead? Rachel was right – he just made everyone depressed.

Meanwhile on the stage side, Mr Shue joined everyone.

"Okay, our first, _real_ competition today! I know some of you might be nervous, but we have worked _so_ hard to get to this point. We have the best dancers (looking at Brittany and Mike) and some of the best damn singers in the country!" Mr Shue prepped

"Yeah!" everyone cried back

"Okay, that being said, we need to be on our A game. Finn, Matt, we…. Hang on, where's Matt" Mr Shue asked

"In the green room, I think" replied Finn "He's been in there for a while"

"Okay, guys, I'll be right back. Go through some vocal runs"

Mr Shue walked through the corridors and into the green room. Standing in the doorway, he called out to Matt.

"Hey Matt? We have to go on now"

Matt shook his head. "I can't…. I can't….." he replied, not even looking at Mr Shue.

Mr Shue smiled. He knew this feeling. He walked over to Matt, and just looked at him. He really did look nervous. He wringed his hands and thumbs back and forth.

Mr Shue placed his hands on Matt's shoulders, and looked him in the eyes. "Matt… you are amazing, okay? I wouldn't have picked you for this lead if I didn't think you could do it. I want this win just as much as you guys. You _can_ do this, okay? You are a very talented musician, singer and dancer, and I believe in you"

Matt looked up at Mr Shue. "Really?" he asked

"Really Matt, really"

Matt nodded. "Okay, I'll do it" he said quietly

Mr Shue smiled and gave a single clap. "Alright! Let's go ace this"

Matt and Mr Shue walked back out to the rest of the team. They all smiled when they saw Matt walk out. Finn came over to him.

"You alright Matt?"

"Yeah I'm good, we're going to nail this" (even though he didn't really believe it)

The team was silent for a few moments, until Matt decided to say something.

"Err, guys? I just wanted to say something… I mean, even if we don't win and everything, and glee is over, I just wanted to say thank you. I… I really like you guys and, you've really helped me out. I've loved being a part of this club and, I hope even if we don't win, we can still remain friends"

"Yeah" said Tina "I mean, I get it if you football players and cheerleaders don't want to have anything to do with us, but it would be nice if you did"

"Screw that man" said Finn "We _are_ going to win this competition! But even if we don't, we will remain friends. This popularity thing, that's their world. Let's live in ours"

Suddenly they heard the signal which told them that they needed to be on stage soon. "Alright, show circle!" announced Mr Shue.

"Aaaaaamazing!"

They all walked out onto the stage, each pushing a wheelchair. Artie was out at the front, as he was the male lead in this song. They performed Proud Mary, and then moved onto Don't Stop Believin', with Rachel and Finn singing the leads. Finally, it was time for Viva la Vida. There was a brief moment where Matt and Finn just looked at each other, each feeling the same nervous energy from knowing that it was their moment to shine. But then the music started. There was no time to think about nerves – just expression. Finn began to sing.

 **I used to rule the world**

 **Seas would rise when I gave the word**

 **Now in the morning I sleep alone**

 **Sweep the streets I used to own**

Matt walked forward, on the stage, ready to sing his next verse.

 **I used to roll the dice**

 **Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes**

 **Listened as the crowd would sing**

 **Now the old king is dead long live the king**

Finn and Matt then sang together.

 **One minute I held the key**

 **Next the walls were closed on me**

 **And I discovered that my castles stand**

 **Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand**

The whole glee club sang the chorus, creating a wall of sound. Matt and Mike were at the front, performing some of their best dance moves, with Brittany alongside them.

 **I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing**

 **Roman cavalry choirs are singing**

 **Be my mirror, my sword and shield**

 **My missionaries in a foreign field**

 **For some reason I can't explain**

 **Once you'd gone there was never**

 **Never an honest word**

 **And that was when I ruled the world**

Finn then took over the next verse, with the glee club singing in the background. Matt, Mike and Brittany were still dancing near the front.

 **It was a wicked and wild wind**

 **Blew down the doors to let me in**

 **Shattered windows and the sound of drums**

 **People couldn't believe what I'd become**

 **Revolutionaries wait**

 **For my head on a silver plate**

 **Just a puppet on a lonely string**

 **Oh who would ever want to be king?**

Even more so this time, the entire glee club sung the chorus.

 **I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing**

 **Roman cavalry choirs are singing**

 **Be my mirror, my sword and shield**

 **My missionaries in a foreign field**

 **For some reason I can't explain**

 **I know St Peter won't call my name**

 **Never an honest word**

 **But that was when I ruled the world**

 **Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh [x5]**

Every member of the club put their every last bit of expression into the last sung chorus, with Finn and Matt still singing the loudest.

 **Hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing**

 **Roman cavalry choirs are singing**

 **Be my mirror, my sword and shield**

 **My missionaries in a foreign field**

 **For some reason I can't explain**

 **I know St Peter won't call my name**

 **Never an honest word**

 **But that was when I ruled the world**

The music stopped and the audience cheered, standing up out of their seats. Matt stared at every single one of them. They were cheering for them, for _him_! None of the other teams got a standing ovation… They walked of the stage, to be greeted with an extremely pleased Will Scheuster.

"Awesome job guys! Mike, awesome dancing. Brittany, you too. Puck, Quinn, Santana, not one flat note! Artie, you absolutely aced Proud Mary, as did you Tina. Finn, Rachel, great job in Don't Stop Believin'. Kurt, you too, although maybe lay a bit off the jazz hands next time. (He winked at Kurt). And Mercedes, that last note was powerful! _Matt_ , awesome, awesome job! You all did great!"

In 20 minutes, they were all on the stage, standing alongside the other teams in the running for the top 3.

"In third place…. We have, the Haverbrook School for the Deaf! And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for… In first place we have… _from McKinley High_ _the NEW DIRECTIONS!"_

It was the happiest moment of Matt's life.


	19. 3 Years Later

It was 2012. Matt had lived with Mr Shue for 3 years, and now it was nearly time for him to move on. _Graduate._ To be honest, Matt was terrified. Soon he'd have to go off, and be all alone again. He had received a scholarship to Ohio State due to his excellent performance as a quarterback when Finn couldn't play, as well as their glee win at nationals! But he still felt empty inside. Once he went off to college that was it. He'd have to leave Mr Shue, and have no family again.

Mr Shue was out, and Matt was left in his room sorting out his stuff. He didn't have much, but he couldn't take it all to college. He was sorting out his shelves when he came across the duffle bag in his bottom shelf. He opened it to find the same bomber jacket he took with him when he ran away from his father's house, the box of cereal, the photograph. He picked up the jacket, when a videotape fell out. He had completely forgotten about this… It was the videotape he had found at his father's house. He went out into the living room, and placed the tape into Mr Shue's DVD player.

A four year old Matt came onto the screen. "Daddy! Daddy! Look!" He said, smiling up at the camera.

"Wow good job!" replied his father

"I'm gonna get you little monster!" said his mother cheekily, and she started chasing him around the room, while his father caught it all on camera.

His mother suddenly came into camera view, looking at it. "Are you filming me Bill?" she asked. And suddenly it went black. Matt was in shock. That was the first time he had seen his mother, let alone heard her, in nearly 5 years. And… they were so… happy. They were a real family. Matt looked around the apartment. This is what he had called home for three years, but it never would be a home, would it? He would never had what he did when his mom was alive. Mr Shue was just doing what he felt obliged to do, taking in an abused teenager, but once Matt went off to college he'd be alone all again. The pain – it was returning again. Matt hadn't felt this bad since the incident 3 years ago on the roof. He needed some relief.

Suddenly Matt's cell phone rang. It was Puck. "Hey Matt, my man! We scored a keg, and we're chillin' down at Andy's house. Wanna join?" Puck asked. He sounded drunk.

Matt did not like alcohol. He did not like drunk people. He did not like the smell of ethanol in people's breath. It scared him. But at this moment, he was willing to do anything to escape the world of pain for a few minutes.

"I'll be there in 10"

Matt was smashed. He heard the blaring of music in each ear, and saw blurry figures around him. He knew he should be getting home. But when he tried to get up, he just fell onto the floor. The world went black and he fell asleep. He suddenly woke up to the ringing of his cell phone. He looked down: Will Scheuster. Crap. What time was it? Matt got up, and saw in blurry letters on his phone - 12:36am. Shit. He was really in for it. He grabbed his coat at started walking home.

Mr Shue was worried – where the hell was Matt? It was the middle of the night. He had tried calling, but no answer. He got into his car and started driving all over town. He tried the school, the beach, Puck's house, no luck. He was just about to go home and call the police, when he saw a figure that looked like Matt walk around the corner. After taking a closer look, he could see that it was Matt.

Mr Shue pulled up the car next to Matt and opened the door.

"Matt? What on earth? Where have you been? It's freezing. Get inside"

Matt got into the car silently. He looked out the windshield while Mr Shue drove back home. They arrived back at the apartment and they both went upstairs. Mr Shue could smell the alcohol on Matt's breath, and knew what he'd be doing.

After they reached inside, Mr Shue looked at Matt. This wasn't like him. Matt didn't drink, he didn't like parties like all the others, why now? Why now, when he had everything to lose, did he choose to do this?

"Matt, what were you thinking?! You could have gotten in serious trouble for that – underage drinking? What if Ohio State found out? You'd lose your scholarship, and you don't have a college fund!"

"I don't care!" yelled Matt

"Well, you should care! This is _your_ future! And I don't want you to mess it up!"

"Why do you even care? Once I'm out, you're not gonna give a shit about me! You've done your duty, why don't you just leave me alone already?"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"I'm ALONE Mr Shue! Mr parents, they're dead. (Matt had found out that his father was murdered in prison 1 year ago). And we can fake it all we want, but fact is, when I go off to college you're not going to give 2 cents about me! And why would you?! Look at me! I'm _worthless_!" Matt yelled. He picked up the videotape of his mom and threw it at the wall, making a large bang.

Mr Shue just stared at him with a compassionate look on his face. Matt suddenly looked out into the direction of the balcony. He started to walk out and open the door, where Mr Shue dived at him and pulled him backwards away from the door. Holding him tightly, Matt struggled.

"Let me go! Why won't you let me _be with her?_ "

"No Matt" Replied Mr Shue simply. Matt continued to struggle but Mr Shue maintained his grip around Matt's torso, and didn't let him go.

Matt suddenly stopped struggling, and went limp. He had no fight left in him. Just empty.

Mr Shue moved so he was sitting on the floor, and turned Matt around so he was facing him.

"Matt, you are not alone. Look at me. You are going to go to Ohio state, and you are going to love it there, but that does not mean for a second that I'm just going to forget about you. Don't you ever forget that. Ever. You have a whole life ahead of you, and I'm going to be there for it. Okay?"

"But why?" Asked Matt

"Because, you will never know how special you are. You are _not_ worthless, and you have so much going for you. You're going to learn about your craft, and you're going to become someone really great. All you have to do, is sit back and watch"


	20. 12 Years Later

Memories have the power to make us go cold. Memories have the power to make us want us to end it all, the power to bring us to the point where jumping is easier than facing the world for another second But what we forget, is their power to bring us love and joy. Matt barely thought about the car crash anymore, or his father's abuse. He didn't think about the loneliness that he felt for all of those years.

Instead he thought about the time where he graduated from Ohio State at the top of his class, Mr Shue sitting in the front row clapping the loudest.

Matt being the best man in Will and Emma's wedding, feeling the happiest he ever did for Mr Shue. The time where he married his own love of his life, and sang to her on their wedding day. Mr Shue again, sitting there with Emma in the front row.

And then there was right now.

"Uncle Will! Uncle Will!" cried Thomas. Matt put down his four year old son and Thomas ran over to Will. "Hey buddy!" said Will with a smile, picking him up. "How's my favourite little guy?"

"He's been fantastic" replied Matt, hugging Will and then Emma. His wife, Sarah, did the same. "He hasn't stopped dancing though, have you buddy?"

Thomas shook his head. "I'd love to see your dancing a bit later Tom, if you're anything like your dad, you'll be famous by 15!"

20 minutes later, they all sat around the table, eating Emma's home cooked lamb casserole and bread. Talking about Will's newest regionals win and Matt's newest lead role on Broadway, along with Sarah's new job as a teacher at the local primary school.

Every weekend since he had graduated, Matt had dinner with Mr Shue every Saturday evening. Every milestone, Mr Shue was there.

There was a lot more to the quiet boy who sat in the back of the choir room.

It just took a teacher who cared to find him.

 **So I guess that's it. I really enjoyed writing this story and sorry it took so long to update, I had some massive writer's block deciding how I was going to finish this thing. I know the end kind of sucks, but this is just how I saw it ending. Thanks everyone for all of your support!**


End file.
